I am trying to get my head around something that is completely beyond my comprehension. Advanced warning to those who may be squeamish or prefer not to read about death, suicide, or mental illness: Stop right here and read no more of this post.
I’ve participated in a few discussions about suicide, most notably with Dia, over at The Odd and Unmentionable. I can always count on Dia to approach life and death issues with the calm wisdom of an old soul. (No, Dia is not old. It is her wisdom which seems of-another-life-old.) In her post, Suicide in Ohio, Dia points out that in some cases, suicide may actually seem to be a logical choice. But not all suicides fit in the same column. Suicide born of depression or mental illness deserves our special attention. In so very many cases, mental illness can be treated and individuals, who may at one time contemplate suicide, can rise above their despair to live long and fruitful lives. I have personal experience with a victim of mental illness who, with the help of therapy and medication, lived a wildly vibrant and creative life. Without proper treatment beautiful, creative souls like my friend often exit this world before their time. Our world is poorer for these losses.
Last night another friend learned that someone in her family had attempted to commit suicide. He chose the most graphic and disturbing means of doing this and HE FAILED.
Whatever the consequences of his life before this event, his existence and the lives of his wife, two children, and all the rest of his family and friends have been suddenly and inalterably worsened.
- If he had financial problems before, those debts have exponentially quadrupled. He is probably looking at a lengthy hospital stay, multiple reconstructive surgeries, a lifetime of medication, family counseling, and permanent disability.
- If he had pain in his life before, his new pain has negated everything he knew of pain before this.
- If he had shame in his life before, he will now face a lifetime reminder of his failure.
- If he had marital or family problems before, there is no reversing the new stresses his action will contribute to his relationships.
Dia correctly fingers the current economic crisis for increasing suicide rates. Tragedy heaped upon tragedy. Suicide is rarely one-dimensional. The reasons that a person might want to end it all are as multi-faceted as is the Hope Diamond. But one thing is clear. At a time when suicide rates are increasing, funding for mental health and suicide prevention are decreasing. Events like what I have just described will be repeated. Other families will suffer.
I don’t have answers or wisdom. All I can think of is what a terrible shame. What an awful waste of life and resources.
I hope you will all click over to Dia’s post about suicide, but just in case, I’m reposting her ever-so-important warnings, advice, and links:
IF YOU’RE CONSIDERING SUICIDE: Please, if you’ve wondered if it might stop the pain, or if those you love would be better off without you, or if you just feel so out there on the edge that you’re not sure you can take anymore, please…before you take a last step that can never be undone, make at least one phone call; to a loved one or a friend or a hotline. (I’ve listed some suicide hotline numbers below.) If it doesn’t work, you haven’t lost anything by trying. But if it does work…if, with some help, you’re able to find a way through the current darkness back to a life you love…then not only will you be safe but you’ll also have protected everything you care about most from any taste of the kind of carnage that happened in Ohio yesterday.
FOR FRIENDS OR LOVED ONES: And if you’re worried about someone else, you can also call one of the numbers listed above. Or click here for an excellent article with information on what to do if you think someone you know may be considering suicide.
With things as stressful as they are right now, and with the social safety net growing ever weaker, we need to look out for one another more than ever. Maybe we could prevent something like this from happening again.
SUICIDE HOTLINES:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
Veterans Suicide Hotline – Confidential Help for Veterans: Call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1 http://veteranscrisisline.net/
Or go to http://suicidehotlines.com/ for a list of hotlines by state as well as a hotline for the deaf.
Rangewriter 
Linda, I am so sorry. What a nightmare for everyone involved. It’s like a bomb just went off in their lives. Listen…please, if you get a moment, go over and watch the TED Talk at this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy4yby7ZAd0. It’s a presentation (about 4 minutes) given by a suicide survivor that is unnerving yet deeply moving and hopeful at the same time. He gives some great (but alas too brief) guidance on how to be around a survivor after the fact. It’s hard to imagine right now but it’s so important to remember that it’s possible to find a way back out of this kind of devastation and darkness. I admire you SO much for posting this!!! Suicide is terrifying to look at or talk about, and yet that’s the only possible way to find and reach anyone out there on the edge considering taking that step.
Also, here’s a hotline and link to another agency called The Trevor Project:
866.488.7386 or http://www.thetrevorproject.org/lifelinechat.
It’s a lifeline for at risk lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or other youth currently questioning their sexuality, and is completely confidential.
Hang in there and let me know if there’s anything I can do.
Dia
LikeLike
Dia, thank you. I meant to give you a head’s up that I’d quoted you and linked back. I knew you’d have some useful something. The Ted talk is excellent and I have forwarded it on. I wish I’d had the trevor project link for dear little Sherry.
This person is someone I’ve never met. I was at my friend’s house when she got the call (writer’s group, as a matter of fact.) Something like this has such a ripple effect. And yes…just like a bomb.
LikeLike
eeek. I’m sorry to hear about your friend Linda. Suicide is sad no matter what, but when the person has a spouse and kids it just makes me feel ill. I just don’t understand it, and I hope I never do. No matter how miserable I get, I love my family too much to inflict that kind of pain.
LikeLike
Yes, Mandy. In some cases suicide is like a vindictive weapon to get back at people. I don’t know details in this case, but I think the man had some other issues he was dealing with. He was not thinking rationally…well, duh. But, what’s so sad is that he could have gotten help. He surely didn’t solve any problems. I feel so bad for his family. The kids…geez.
LikeLike
How terribly sad. Suicide is a last resort – the step beyond despair. Many of us have known people in a state of despair and that’s the time to get involved and get them help. It can happen to anyone. We can all reach the end of our rope, but hopefully most of us have support systems. It’s tragic when the despairing individual doesn’t have the energy or hope to reach out.
LikeLike
Yes. That’s it, I think: not having the energy or hope to reach out.
LikeLike
I am so very sorry about this tragedy, RW. No matter who is in, or not in, the lives of desperate people, some are simply not able to bear the hopelessness they carry within themselves.
Hopefully every person who hears this man’s story will remember that his loved ones will be filled with guilt and a sense of inadequacy. I will send blessings that the family’s network, community and government will support all of them through a seemingly insurmountable situation.
It can be done.
Many of us can promise that.
LikeLike
Thanks for the good vibes, SD.
LikeLike
This is indeed tragedy incremented.
Here are my two cents: If you refuse to live then that is cowardice.
LikeLike
Nel. Thanks for your two cents. There are instances in which I would agree with you whole heartedly. But I don’t think the choices seem that clear, especially not when you are inside the tormented soul and unable to see through the fog of depression, addiction, or whatever. I’ve never experienced depression, but I’ve seen it in action on other people who are, when not under its ugly spell, really extraordinary people. It’s complicated.
LikeLike
Linda,
Thank you for showing me a different way of looking at it. I think my experience on depression is quite limited. Am I right to think that the person in your story was deeply depressed that he had found no way out? I do hope, however, that his family will be able to rise above this.
LikeLike