I rarely watch television, but last night I indulged in a good ol’ spook-month thriller. The Devil’s Advocate is a B film, but I don’t expect more than that from a sci-fi thriller. I’m also not a huge fan of Keanu Reeves. But I do like Charlize Theron who played opposite Reeves as the advocate’s wife and how could you go wrong with Al Pacino as attorney John Milton—or is he the devil?

I’m so out of practice watching TV, that commercials flummox me. I know, most people have some Blue-ray or TiVo method of dealing with commercials, but I’m not sophisticated enough to own such high falutin technology. Back in the day, when I really did watch TV, I had a more or less scientific method of multi-tasking during commercials. I bounced up and down during the breaks to wash the dishes, fold the laundry, walk the dog, or clean the cat box. That was also back when I wore a size seven. I’m definitely out of that groove now.

It’s been so long since I’ve watched television that I kept thinking my TV was cutting out. Then I realized that someone in there was simply censoring the “fucks” and “damns.” What a waste of video tape. Why’d the director put those in if someone’s just gonna edited them out.

About two-thirds of the way through the movie Theron had a ten-second nude scene. I thought my TV was losing pixels! Oops, after the fact, I realized that the censors were at it again. Where her nipples should have been was a through-the-bottom-of-the-coke-bottle blur. The thrust and curve of her boobs was clearly evident, topped by a smudged-out spot where each nipple should have been. Now I ask you: What is wrong with women’s nipples? We see cute little baby nipples in diaper commercials. We see sexy men’s pec nipples in shaving commercials. But for a split second in a sci-fi horror movie, a woman’s nipples get the smudge treatment. What is up with that? Are women’s nipples freaks?

What a strange flippin’ world we live in.

And has anyone noticed how the commercials come faster and faster the closer you get to the end of the film?