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abortion, Erectile disfunction, ethics, family planning, Idaho, personal responsibility, reproductive rights, social agendas, social conscience, social reform, social welfare, women's rights
A comment on one of my posts has haunted me for several months. Since I greatly value the intellect and sensitivity of the person who left the comment, I slapped my finger off the reply button. I wanted to avoid a pat, knee-jerk response to a comment written with absolute sincerity. I wanted to question myself, my motivations, and the issue raised by the author of the comment. The comment deserves more than a simple comment reply. It deserves a head-on disclosure of my belief structure, which explains why I found wry humor where others may find abhorrence.
Several months ago, I reblogged a post that I found sublimely ironic. For a quick summation of my post for those who don’t wish to click back and read or review it, the issue was a bill proposed by an Idaho State Senator that would require all women seeking a medical abortion to undergo an ultrasound examination, whether the procedure was deemed medically necessary or not. The alleged purpose of this bill was to ensure that women have all the information necessary to make this most important decision.
The ironic twist to the post was a tongue-in-cheek counter proposal. This counter proposal, born of frustration with the male-dominated power system which sponsored the ultrasound legislation, was roughly as follows: To ensure that men have all the information necessary before taking potentially dangerous erectile dysfunction (ED) drugs, they be required to undergo testing to ensure that they are, indeed, experiencing ED.
The commenter took issue with the comparison of ED medication to an unborn human life. “The issue is not regulating the woman’s body. The issue is regulating the treatment of the separate life that is growing inside of the woman’s body.”
Well, I respectfully disagree. The life that is growing inside a woman’s body during the first trimester is not a separate life. It is a part of her body. It is a collection of cells, dividing and reproducing as quickly as a cancer. It is a group of cells that is as dependent upon the woman for survival, as a parasite is dependent upon its host for survival. Indeed, that tiny little bundle has the potential of separate life and I respect that potential and the miraculous events that led up to it and will, if allowed, continue to grow toward viability. But at this stage of life, if that little parasite is doing harm or will in the future do harm to the host organism (yes, the pregnant woman) I see no logic in putting its not-yet-here life on a plane above the life that is already here. Trust me, the life of a teenaged, unmarried girl will be greatly effected (usually detrimentally) by the birth of a child.
This planet is already filled with homeless, parentless, and unwanted children who produce more of the same. American prisons are filled with criminals who are victims of an unloved life of poverty and misery. It makes no reasonable sense to foster more of them, when an alternative is available. I value the lives I see before my very eyes. I advocate for informed family planning, a multitude of affordable and easily obtainable birth control options, early and abundant sex education, adoption advocacy, drug-use prevention outreach, support for families so they can adequately feed and care for the children who are already here, and support for eldercare. In the State of Idaho each of these humane causes is poorly funded. What funding is available for the good of our social fabric is fought for with steely determination. For that matter, if life is so sacred, why is the State of Idaho forging ahead with the death penalty? So an embryo/early fetus has more value than a grown man or woman who may have led an impoverished, uneducated life that led to a path of destruction?
I have not even gotten into the nitty-gritty of all the reasons why Senator Winder’s proposed law is demeaning to women or interferes with proper doctor-patient communication. That would require another post entirely and since the law was thankfully defeated, I’m not going to waste our time going there.
I realize that my views may be shocking, bold, and heinous to some readers. But I’m not asking them to have an abortion or to take ED drugs or to take birth control. I’m not asking them to believe what I believe. I’m simply saying: live your life as your own social conscience demands and allow me to live my life and make decisions about my body as my social conscience demands. We both value life, but we see it quite differently.
Rangewriter 
You said this so perfectly. Why do some people insist on forcing their own ideas on everybody else? If they don’t believe in certain medical procedures or medications, they shouldn’t have them or ingest them. Why ban books or television shows? If it isn’t interesting to them, they shouldn’t read it or watch it. The word here is ‘choice’. And everybody should have their own without denegrating those who make a different choice.
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Thanks, Renee. I agree with you 100%.
My mother, though she proclaimed to love being a mother and would have loved to have had more than 2 kids, was a staunch supporter of women’s rights, particularly regarding health care. She lived through a time when choices for women were comprised of submission and coat hangers. Our medical decisions are the most personal choices we can ever make and those should be ours to make, along with the help, guidance, and knowledge of healthcare providers, AND, of course, if it is our choice to turn to them, clergy and family.
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I hate the “no shades of grey” mentality of people when it comes to this and other issues. I wish all of our energy could go into educating youth about unwanted pregnancy and showing them how unplanned for children can ruin their economic opportunities, and in making birth control easily accessible. But we’d rather spend our energy on subjugating women and supporting people who want to.
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Exactly.
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Right on SISTER…….Women need the choice, the world needs the choice
Roe vs Wade is still comprised in the USA……….What are people thinking????? I forget that most people don’t think…..sigh
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Ya, a lot of people find it less taxing to let someone else think for them. But, on the other hand, I can understand the depth of feeling that some people have about this issue. As other commenters point out, it is a life or death issue which makes it excruciatingly polarizing, just like the death penalty, euthanasia, and deferral of medical treatment for religious reasons. There are shades of gray everywhere.
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… I think this is a “never the twain shall meet” sorta hot-button issue. Because some folk believe it’s a life or death issue, they feel they must speak up for the unborn who does not have a voice.
Respectfully yours,
Sybil
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Yes, I think you are right. It is the miracle of humanity that we never all agree with each other. But we do need to learn to accept those disagreements with civility and compassion on all sides. Thanks for weighing in.
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What made me so angry about this proposed bill was that ultrasounds cost a LOT of money. In many cases, women who are wanting an abortion probably do not have insurance or the means to pay for them. So who would foot the bill in that case? Hmm, let me guess. Taxpayers. Instead of paying for all the preventive services and programs that you mentioned above, we would again be reactive, which is always more expensive and less effective.
While I am and always have been pro-choice, I do have to admit having a child has changed my views a bit. When I learned exactly what happens to the fetus during an abortion, I was horrified. And I am more sensitive about the lives of unborn babies, regardless of the stage of pregnancy. Because of this change of heart, I do think it’s wrong for women to have abortions because a baby is inconvenient or unexpected. Thankfully, I don’t think most abortions are done for those reasons, and I realize it’s a difficult thing to police without taking the choice away completely.
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The cost of the required procedure is an excellent and insightful point. And I agree that abortion should always be the last resort when all other options have failed. No woman rushes out to get an abortion like getting her nails done. It’s a heart wrenching decision and one that usually stays with her for the rest of her life. But, like you say…the choice and the responsibility ultimately reside with the woman.
Thanks for the input. Looking forward to a new post from your end soon! 😉
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I am with you on this one 100%, Linda. And I find it intriguing you should call an embryo a “parasite” – because that’s exactly the term of endearment hubby and I are using for our new offspring that is currently growing inside of me and causing all kinds of trouble for poor mommy.
We are extremely excited to become parents again and looking forward to our little monster’s tiny sibling. However, I realise not every pregnant woman (or the corresponding sperm donor) does experience the same feelings of happy anticipation, the same financial security or social circumstances as we are lucky enough to. Consequently, I respect and support a woman’s choice to abort an early pregnancy if she feels that having the baby will negatively affect her life. I can’t wrap my head around how this could be anybody else’s business, because, as you say, no woman will ever make this kind of decision lightly (and if she does, well, maybe that would be better for the not-to-be-born child, too).
I think you deserve a lot of credit for taking the comment in question so seriously and answering it in your usual eloquent, well-balanced and to-the-point manner. The world would be a better place if more people would acknowledge differences in opinion as an enrichment rather than an illness that has to be eliminated.
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First of all, congratulations on your bun in the oven! Then, I’m sorry said bun is raising havoc. Secondly, great point about the unfortunate fate of a child born from a woman who would willingly embrace abortion with abandon. Thirdly, thanks for recognizing that all ideas and opinions deserve respect, whether we agree with them or not. It can be very difficult to understand how a person arrives at an opinion that is counter to our own, but the process of trying to understand and accept one another can be rewarding. I guess that cool road bike will have to wait for a while longer, eh? 😉
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Not necessarily. In my last pregnancy I rode a bike until the roads in Berlin got too snowy and icy for even my courage, and by then I was rather close to the due date. After his birth I have taken the little monster with me as soon as he could sit in his bicycle children’s seat unaided, i.e. from pretty much 6 months. So yeah, little break and then off we go again. Maybe we even buy one of these fun trailers for bicycles, you can put an infant in a baby seat into these as well as the older one…
Oh and thanks, we are really over the moon 🙂
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I respect people who are willing to speak up about their beliefs and values. Any of us can criticize another person’s belief system. But it takes courage to present our own with non-emotional, reasoned clarity. This is a great example of self-care, Linda. Thank you.
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Oh – I also belief in pro-choice. Anything else takes us backwards into dark ages. I’m very relieved that the folks in Idaho saw the light and didn’t pass the Bill!
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Me too. But in the state, you never know. Very right wing political mecca.
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Yes, same with my home province of Alberta. I admit I’m shocked at some of the email “jokes” I receive from school buddies. Even one who worked for the RCMP in Intelligence! YIKE.
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Thanks, Amy. The commenter who instigated this post is also very skilled at speaking up about his beliefs and values with reason and clarity. That is one of the reasons I enjoy reading his posts. He presents the other side of the fence in a way that I can at least understand, if not agree with.
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Love the way you view ‘life’, Linda. 🙂
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Thanks, Nandini.
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Perfectly stated. Thank you for this voice of reason!
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Thanks!
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Oh my gosh–people are reading my stuff!! I’m over the moon, tickled pink, etc.
Thanks, Linda. What a wonderful discussion.
Cindy
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Well of course they’re reading your stuff, Cindy. It’s a brilliant post. Why’dya suppose I shirt tailed it?
Connected by DROID on Verizon Wireless
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I have a few thoughts here…
1) I’m really glad this wasn’t about some comment that I made. I never know when something I said will come back to haunt me.
2) The reason the ultrasound bill was “defeated” was because the national GOP asked the state GOP to shelve it until after the elections in November because the “War on Women” rhetoric was threatening to turn into a real problem for the party. The bill will be back on the table by next January and is expected to pass without much trouble.
3) The cost of the ultrasound is intended to be an additional (hopefully insurmountable) financial hurdle. Taxpayers won’t be allowed to cover anything. It’s a Jim Crow kind of solution…the Roe vs. Wade decision itself can’t be overturned, so other legislation is created to subvert it. If abortions can’t be made illegal, at least they can be made unaffordable for as many women as possible.
Republicans are better at politics. Having Democrats responsible for protecting women’s rights is like being assigned a public defender.
Enough. My stomach ties up in knots just thinking about it.
Great post, Linda. Very respectful.
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I LOVE this: “Having Democrats responsible for protecting women’s rights is like being assigned a public defender.” May I use it? Credited, of course! Also, do you mind being “Tweeted?” (your blog refereneced in a tweet.) This is something I’m trying to figure out for the sake of my authors.
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Ooh! I’m a Tweet virgin so you’ll be my first. 🙂 Go for it and thank you!! I know you’ve taken up Tweeting and I’m curious to know how it’s progressing. Did you do it as part of a platform to support your blog or are you just into it for it’s own sake?
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Of course the issue of ED drugs isn’t the same as the issue of abortion. No event involving a man’s body can ever be the same as what happens to a woman during pregnancy, and no procedure performed on a male’s reproductive system can ever match a procedure performed on a female. The point of the second proposed legislation, I think, was to draw a parallel to the first — by illustrating the inherent unfairness of both. Linda, your impassioned and eloquent response took things miles past the original comparison: Where is the concern for human life after these children are born? Many of the same people who fight so hard against birth control and abortion seem just as determined to ensure that the poor, the starving, and the sick will stay that way.
Excellent post, as always. I hope you’re feeling a little less haunted.
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Thanks a million, Charles, for your vote of confidence. I have not heard from the person who left the comment that haunted. I’m not yet taking that personally as I see he’s also been inactive on his own blog. Sometimes life gets in the way. I am really curious as to how he will respond because he was the only person who brought a different perspective to the original post. I value the exchange of ideas, even when I may not agree with them so I cherish his follow. I wonder if that made any sense. Anyway, thanks for dropping by and being so supportive, as you always are.
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Hi Linda. Thanks for being patient with my absence.
Charles, I hope that you don’t mind my weighing in on your comment. I’m certain that Linda wouldn’t allow me, or anyone else for that matter, to get out of line on her pages. Thus, I hope that you hear a respectful tone in my words.
In the first part (unquoted) of my comment, I said that, “How odd that anyone would attempt to make a comparison between an unborn human life, and erectile dysfunction medication.”
That was the main point of my comment, and I’ll first say that I may have left it at that and been better off.
Next, I’ll say that my reason for having said that is simply that indeed the two cannot be compared. The reason why they cannot be compared is certainly not because a woman’s reproductive system is different from that of a man.
ED drugs can’t be compared to abortion because ED drugs make a man’s penis hard; whereas, abortion takes something that is living, and human, and takes the life out of it.
The two cannot be compared simply because there is no parallel between them.
Linda says that the decision to have an abortion is something that no woman would take lightly (although I’m sure she’s really aware that that isn’t always accurate), yet when is the last time that I really sat and reflected before getting a hard on?
Point made.
I expected something better from the pro-choice crowd than the ED silliness. I expected something that allowed me to see the folly of my ways. Something that at least gave me a reason to ponder whether I was mistaken in my ideology.
The only thing that I was impelled to reflect on, while reading about this blunderous effort, is that the left mustn’t be adept with analogies.
Charles, your questioning where is the concern for human life after birth is well placed. In fact this is a similar question to something that Linda and I have recently discussed.
Linda, I’m stunned by how fundamentally different our views are on this matter. I know I shouldn’t be stunned. But I am.
My surprise won’t be followed by any sort of disrespect. It’s simply troubling to me when I meet someone who is so perfectly capable of rational thinking (a rare… even almost extinct talent), and yet in possession of views so completely antithetical from my own. I know you know what I mean. In fact, it must be troubling for you as well.
You see, neither of our views are shaken, but we do find ourselves staring at each other from across the chasm of our ideologies, shaking our head in bewilderment. We may even be thinking, “I like that person, but my god they’ve lost their mind on this matter”.
I may be wrong on this Linda… I may well be….
You know I could give you many reasons for thinking the way that I do, but my reasons would seem as befuddled to you as yours did to me. I no I’ll not convince you, and I know that you know you’ll not convince me. I also know that this “convincing” was not your intent here.
Thank you for your reply. Thank you for your respect.
I hold a different perspective (apparently a few of them 🙂 ) from Dia. I’m proud that this essay was in response to “some comment I made”. And I greatly appreciate the time that you took to respond with what I’m certain was a lot of consideration.
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I admire your restraint, Dinkerson, and your willingness to sincerely examine other points of view. And that’s exactly where it gets tricky for me. I think the intent of the ED analogy was to get lawmakers, most of whom are male, to try to imagine the effects of the proposed abortion legislation on women. The comparison works in a very limited way, because no matter how hard men try, we can’t make the required mental transition. I don’t like abortion, and I don’t know anyone who does — although, as you said, some regard it more lightly than others. But this is a complicated issue, and both sides seem guilty of trying to simplify it for the sake of avoiding the inevitable struggle of really dealing with it, both as individual citizens and as a society.
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Thanks for another nuanced response to this delicate issue, Charles.
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Reblogged this on AuntyUta and commented:
Can we, please, discuss this a bit more?
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Thanks for reminding me of this post that I wrote so long ago. My, how time flies. Senator Winder is still blowing steam in the statehouse, unfortunately.
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I reckon we should discuss this a lot more. In the end it’ll all sort itself out. Nature for sure is going to put a stop to our super excessive increase in population! 🙂
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I suspect you’re right.
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