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Today I stood in the mouth section of the local Fred Meyer store and I thought of Charles over at Mostly Bright Ideas. He could write a post about dental floss that would knock your teeth out. I, on the other hand, simply felt overwhelmed by all the choices I had to weed through before purchasing a package of floss—wait a minute. What are the choices, really?

Two weeks ago I made the wrong choice.I read the right side of the menu, as an old friend of mine always says. I chose the Kroger brand, Quality Guaranteed, dental tape WAXED 50 yd. So help me, all the products that said “waxed” looked the same. This one provided the most product for the lowest cost. I got it home and tried threading it between my teeth only to have it shred into bits that took me three more days to pry loose from between my teeth.

So today, I stood in the same aisle, looking not for the best bang for my buck but the best quality for my bang. So how am I to pick a product out of a list like this? Each of these items was on sale for $2.99.

Item a.

Item b.

Item c.

Item d.

The packaging on each of these beauts says: “Slides up to 50% more easily in tight spaces vs. leading floss. #1 Dentist recommended brand.

The only difference I can see is in the amount of product, which varies from 27 yards to 54.6 yards. And notice how cleverly the packaging mixes up which comes first—yards or meters! What, I wonder, is so precious about “original” item c. that it costs almost twice as much as the “comfort plus” item b.?  If they both slide up to 50% more easily, what difference could there possibly be? Is this a conspiracy to confound those of us with horrendously tight “contacts” between our teeth? As if the act of flossing wasn’t bad enough? These floss selling companies have to add insult to injury by obfuscating their products?

And come on. Who SMILES when they are flossing their teeth?