The night sky cracked apart, revealing for the blink of an eye, the white-hot purity that glowed behind the darkness. Seconds later the earth shuddered its response like one hundred bombs detonating at once.
We huddled together under the lee of a jutting boulder, while below us a tiny creek began gathering force as rain pelted the peaks and gullied off granite, collecting in gravel rivulets.
We were doomed, if not by the terrible force of the electric sky, then by the predatory patrols of men with machetes. Basra clutched my son to her chest. We needed to keep moving, but if we were lucky enough to avoid the electric bolts from heaven, we risked sliding off the now mud-slick path to the rocky and ever more forceful water passing below, beckoning like a witch’s finger.
Another flash lit Basra’s face and my heart fell into her round, terrified eyes. The accompanying timpani triggered Aaden’s shrieks of fear and hunger. At that moment, the tumult of the storm was a blessing that covered the wails of our child. How much longer could we run? When would it stop?
sybil said:
Wow. Riveting. Certainly drew me in quickly..
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rangewriter said:
Oh dear. But now what do I do with it?
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Sandra Parsons said:
Even if it was half as good, always GO! At least when it goes wrong you can tell yourself that you tried.
I think I said that before but I love your fiction. Although it keeps leaving me feeling inadequate 😉
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rangewriter said:
Oh Sandra, get outta’ here! Fiction scares me to death. I have no idea where to go after the hook… But thanks for the encouragement.
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Glenda Hornig said:
Wonderful Linda. Don’t think, just keep following your imagination down the trail!
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rangewriter said:
yabbut, I have no imagination! That’s the problem. I can’t see the future or the past. I should have turned this into a contest, so everyone could contribute. It would be fun to see where we all ended up.
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Dia said:
That’s the biggest problem with a great initial hook…you’ve gotta follow up with something that delivers on the promise. Good luck! 🙂
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rangewriter said:
Yeah. Exactly. Maybe I need a class to help me get from here to there.
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Arindam said:
Wonderful piece of writing. I hope you are going to let your imagination flow in which ever direction it wants.
Merry Christmas to you! 🙂
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rangewriter said:
Thank you Arindam! Do you celebrate Christmas? If so, may it be a good one. I’m about 2/3 through your book and enjoying it very much. Have a great 2013.
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