Continued from A new romance
Yry had met her soul mate, she was sure of it. One enormous problem lay in their path. As proud and deliriously happy as she was in this new relationship, she could not share her joy with her parents. Yuan had two strikes against him. He was employed by the company and he was Chinese. There was another wrinkle. They both wanted children. But neither of them was willing to bring children into a world that would be filled with ostracism and loneliness.
Yuan knew intimately how the world treated mixed marriages and the children born thereof. His own older sister had made the fatal mistake of falling deeply in love with a wealthy French businessman. Against her parents’ wishes she had married him. She was cast out of the family. In France her husband, and later even her child, were ostracized for their relationship to a “chink”. Eventually the marriage fell apart, leaving his sister Mai Ling dependent upon meager support checks from the French father of her child. But the father’s situation was grim also. His reputation among piers and business colleagues was ruined. He lost his job and began living in the bottle. He died, dirty and alone on a deserted street in Paris. The support checks ended, leaving Mai Ling and her child totally destitute. Yry learned that Yuan was doing everything he could to help his sister but it was apparent that her life and the life of her child would forever be a struggle.
What an ironic and bitter twist. To Yry it seemed that there was no loftier goal than to be the wife of the man you loved and to bear and raise his children and stand at his side throughout life. But that could never happen with Yuan.
Yry buried herself in Chinese lore and history. Yuan tried to teach her to speak Chinese, which she found more difficult than Portuguese and French put together. His peaceful religion answered many of the questions that Christianity had raised in her mind.
So the romance continued. Once again, Yry was involved with a man her father would disapprove of. Once again, she was keeping her whereabouts secret. Once again, the great joy of her life had to be kept locked away from the prying eyes of the world.
And once again, reality burst Yry’s dreamy bubble. Many years earlier Yuan’s parents had arranged for his marriage to a good Chinese girl as was the Chinese custom. Now they called him home to fulfill the family pledge. His education in the states was complete, he’d gained valuable experience in American commerce. It was time for his return and time for his marriage.
Despite mutual heart-break, there was no escaping this fate. If Yuan disobeyed his father, the entire family, generations past, and generations into the future, would lose face. Through her study of the culture even rebellious Yry understood why he must go. But that did not make the parting any less difficult. They both wept in despair.
From my perspective, though, I wonder about this Yuan. He had to know about his marital destiny. It seems rather loutish for him to lure an American woman into romance if he knew he could never formalize a relationship with her. Ah, well, love rarely follows a reasonable path.
Rangewriter 
It seems society was not ready at that time for the changes that have come. Have we lost some qualities in doing it our way? Marriages are not as “successful” as they once were, perhaps because we jump into them so quickly. I do wonder how fair it is to involve oneself with someone when you are promised to another-like using them as a “dry run” or”practice” for the real marriage.
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Jane, you raise a question that I ponder a lot. What have we lost in the ease of getting married/unmarried? Woman are now more empowered than they were before…though still not on par with men. This has provided options that former generations never had. But the length of a marriage is not the measure of happiness, or (in my mind) its success. How many women in previous generations stayed in abusive and horrible situations, unable to even help their children, simply because there were no options available to them? It’s a real circular question.
Yuan does seem to have taken advantage of my mom. But…perhaps she read more into what was going on than he imagined? We will see that she had quite a pattern of over-romanticizing relationships.
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Maybe over-romanticism is a way of coping, I know I have lived with my head in the clouds until reality harshly dropped me on the ground.. Unfortunately women in the past stayed in abusive relationships and it was a taboo subject so perhaps more went on and women “put up with kit.” Although abuse has a prevalence in today’s society. I am one who thinks what we see on media anesthetizes us to the violence all around us. My sympathies regarding your country’s leadership, hear about it all the time here and it is stressful with the current situation. Our leader has yet to live up to his promises but think he is a good diplomat dealing with Mr T.
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Great observations, Jane. I love your phrase, “until reality harshly dropped me on the ground.” And I agree that we are desensitized to all sorts of violence.
My sympathies to the rest of the world for having to worry about what our “leader” the 2-year old with a temper, may wreak upon us all. It is a most humbling and embarrassing and frightful situation.
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This part of the story of Yru only goes to show how difficult it can to marry or have relationships across cultural barriers. Hopefully, though, things today aren’t as bad as Yuan’s sister experienced. Otherwise I agree with your thoughts that Yuan should have taken into consideration something he obviously knew would be inescapable.
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Yes. It is easy to think badly about Yuan. But, he doesn’t have the opportunity to defend himself. Perhaps my mother read more into their relationship than he intended? I can’t judge, too harshly, someone whom I have never met, whose story I haven’t heard from his lips. This should have been a learning experience for Yry. (Another one.)
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Perhaps your mother, being one who didn’t expect others to hold secrets, assumed that what she experienced and felt were reciprocated…. she had no way to know that Yuan was tied to cultural promises made long before… Or perhaps he hoped there would be some way to cut those strings and follow his heart… Probably deep down they both knew this would end in heartache…. sigh..
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Yup, those are all possibilities. I hope Yuan did, in his heart, hope he could change the reality he was tied to. We will never know.
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Ah now I understand her love of all things Chinese! Your blogs explain so much I didn’t know about Yri!!
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Keep in mind, though, much of what I’ve written is somewhat speculative. I’ve found many of these “episodes” written–in great, flowing detail–by her with various different names for the protagonist. There is, though, always a thread of connection to what she did tell me or other people at various times in her life. She was an enigma, through and through. I’m trying to connect the random dots, but I can’t vouch for 100% validity of any of it. I’m sure she told you stories that are different from the stories I heard. I’d love to hear them, if you’ve got them. It helps to try to flesh out the crazy human she was. 😉
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