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Have you been homesick? The holidays can be particularly trying for people who suffer from homesickness. Our friend Wikipedia claims that homesickness can be traced back to the Old Testament and the Odyssey. Even Hippocrates spoke of heimveh, a nostalgic reaction to being away from home.
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Feeling homesick is common to young people. Summer camp is notorious for sparking various degrees of excitement, fear, or terror in young children. College students and soldiers are also common victims of homesickness in various degrees. Nearly everyonemisses something from home when they are away: parents, siblings, dog, horse, fish, bed, the objects to be missed are innumerable. A certain degree of FOMO (fear of missing out) is to be expected. The intensity of the feeling varies greatly. In clinical terms, severe homesickness is related to separation anxiety and can manifest in depression and all the physical symptoms depression involves, including indigestion and inability to function in daily responsibilities.
In my twenties, I was dumfounded to learn that a man ten years my senior and a natural leader, had experienced severe homesickness when he went to basic training. Not only that, but he continued to battle bouts of homesickness as an adult.
Last summer I rented a room to a college student. He was a nice, gregarious young man with an internship at a local tech firm. Though he seemed to blend into the corporate culture like a decoy duck and make friends by batting his long lashes, I sensed his homesickness. During his ten weeks here, his parents came for a visit. His need was palpable. The youngest of the litter, his connection with his mother is unmistakable, both physically and emotionally. He has returned to Boise, now with a diploma and a permanent job. This time he has his own apartment—his first living experience without family or roommates. While he loves aspects of his new adulthood, homesickness still lurks, though he never voices it directly. He was over the moon about his two-week Christmas visit back home to Kansas.
I wonder if homesickness is more prevalent in people from large families. My natural born leader also came from a tight family with great respect and adoration for each other. Tamar Chansky, a psychologist and author of Freeing Yourself From Anxiety, asserts that homesickness may be about missing home, but it is also about not yet feeling comfortable where you are. In its mildest forms homesickness is simply a form of nostalgia. In its more severe forms it mimics a grief reaction, which if unabated, can cause serious debilitation.
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Coming from a small family that was never very close, I’ve never felt more than mild FOMO. Even as a kid, I was thrilled to get away from home. I’ve always been excited to experiencing something new. After a certain time, I do miss my bed and my pillow.
Have you experience homesickness? Do you still? What about home do you think fed (or feeds) those feelings?
There were two kids in my family but when I moved 2,000 km away from home I was horribly homesick. I would hear the song. “I’ll be home for Christmas” and be in tears. Lucky for me I was with a friend’s loving family who gave me great support and comfort.I still feel grateful for that love 32 years later. I am away from my family for many years, my parents passed on, I keep in touch with my brother though not so much with niece and nephews. I think I kind of “shut down” at Christmas time, lying low for the most part, but do enjoy dinner with friends. That is enough. This year I got infested with bed bugs so it is the shits. I expect future years to be better and grateful for the friends that I had dinner with this year-a nice reprieve from all the hassles.
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Bedbugs?! That is the shits, indeed. How did that happen? No Merry Christmas gift there, unless the gift was getting rid of them, which, as I understand, is no easy feat. Really poor company for any holiday. Here’s to a bug-free new year.
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Am the baby of 4, left home for 1-1/2 yrs in Mexico at age 18, and have moved about 28 times in my adult life. Gypsy is my middle name. Have never felt homesick, altho’ I do love my family. My fierce independence, I fear, almost qualifies as an illness. Go figure!
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Although I haven’t lived in a lot of different places, I do love to travel and explore. And, like you, I never feel homesick…except for my bed and my pillow.
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I have never felt my homesickness for Holland subsiding . One would have thought that through the decades I would have made peace with my parents deciding to move home and hearth all the way to the other side of the world from Holland to Australia back in 1956.
I now think it must have caused a large amount of trauma, that has been more damaging than I have till recently been accepting. Now that my lifelong partner and wife Helvi has gone, it seems to really grip me even more. Mind you, I now am feeling home-sick for Finland as well. Both countries are progressive and far more social minded than where I am residing right now. They have moved ahead while here in Australia, the psyche seems to be a kind of nostalgia for the past.
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Oh Gerard, that was a huge move for you at a very young age. Have you lived in Finland? Is that where Helvi grew up? When you were a young man did you ever consider making your life back in Holland?
It’s funny. Until I began communicating with Australians through WordPress, I didn’t realize how similar our two countries are. I mean, I knew we were both huge countries settled largely by white, European people. But the social conditions seem to have evolved in very similar paths. I’m so ashamed of America right now. But I hear the same feelings from many Australians.
And it is those Scandinavians who always rank highest on the happiness scales. Lesson to be learned there, leaders!
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Yes, Helvi was born in Finland and that’s where we married and lived for a while. Between 1973/76 we lived in Holland on a farm and I taught art to adults.
Finland now has the world’s youngest Prime Minister, and for those that think same sex families are wrong, ( Like our Australian PM), well some of them happen to become Prime Ministers.
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I come from a small family (just two older brothers) but I remember feeling homesick when I was away at college. I really enjoyed my freedom and independence, but looked very much forward to my visits home on holidays. Even now, when my husband and I travel for long periods of time, I look forward to coming home. Love experiencing new places, but also love my friends, neighborhood, and (maybe most of all 🙂 ) my own bed. I have always felt lucky that I looked forward to coming home… can you imagine dreading coming home?
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Actually, I can imagine dreading coming home. But haven’t felt that way in a very long time. Like you, I enjoy new adventures, but there’s something wonderful about flying over the mountains that guard my home town, an area that when I first arrived I thought was ugly. Now, it makes my heart go pitter patter. And there’s nothing like one’s own bed and pillow!
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I knew a Swiss lady who simply couldn’t bear being away from her native village for more than 7 or 8 hours – impossible for her to spend the night away from home, and no question of going away on holiday. Her husband loved travelling, but always came back. Somehow, they enjoyed a very happy marriage.
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It’s amazing what works and what doesn’t work when it comes to marriages! I can’t imagine that Swiss lady’s degree of anxiety when away from home.
BTW, what initiated this post, was a young friend who is living by himself for the first time in his life. He flew home for Christmas, leaving me his tiny Persian cat to care for. Long story short, the cat got sick and I had to have it put down on Saturday! Poor Ian, he was sobbing over the phone while talking all this over with the vet. I can’t imagine how empty his apartment will feel when he gets home. 😦 Major homesickness for that poor young man.
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That shouldn’t really be “like” but “sympathy”. I know how empty a home feels when your pet is suddenly not there.
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Me too. And that he left what he thought was a perfectly healthy cat with me, and in a week’s time it was ….gone. I can’t even imagine.
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Do you think that this syndrome can be experienced for a particular time in history, rather than a physical location (house grew up in, clan no longer around)? I often hear folks romanticizing some point in the past and how wonderful thing were [back then].
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Oh my yes! That’s a brilliant observation. I’ve found myself doing that, even as I try to avoid the often silly comparisons. We tend to idealize the past, be it personal or social.
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Right away I was intrigued to keep reading. I found it interesting to hear about the young college kid and his connection with his mother, being the baby of the family. I am not the baby of my family but it does make me want to look up some research on that! lastly, I loved wrapping my mind about the question you posed, “I wonder if homesickness is more prevalent in people from large families”. I am going to remember this post because of this thought. I am from a very large family so Im enjoying thinking about this a little deeper.
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Thanks, Jackie! It’s always nice to know that I’ve touched off questions for another person besides myself. As a youth, I was not particularly happy with my family, small though it was. My great disappointment as a Brownie was that we didn’t get to overnight at summer camp. I so looked forward to getting away from home. That said, I was not abused. My mother worked hard to provide a good home with good food and horses to ride.
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